Surprise! People Don’t Want to Work With You

A department head stopped mid-conversation and said,
“Tim, I’ve got a guy on my team I keep avoiding. I can’t stand being around him for more than a few minutes. All I hear is I did this, I did that.”

They’d hired him a year earlier. He was smart. A top performer. His results were excellent.

“And yet,” the manager said, “people avoid him. Including me.”

“Have you talked to him about it?” I asked.

“Sort of,” he said. (Translation: not really.)
“Would you meet with him?”

The next day, I stood to greet him when he arrived. He refused my handshake and blurted out,
“Why am I here? Who are you? My boss won’t talk to me.”

I calmly explained why we were meeting.

“My understanding,” I said, “is that your team doesn’t want to work with you.”

He looked stunned.
“Why? My performance reviews are excellent.”

“They are,” I said. “Your work is stellar. But it comes at a cost to others.”

After a long pause, he said something unexpected:
“No one has ever told me that before. Thank you.”

Leaders often avoid telling the whole truth. Instead, they offer hints, soft language, and half-answers — especially with high performers.

But here’s what I’ve learned:
When the truth is delivered with honesty, respect, and a clear path forward, resistance is rare.

Honest words don’t damage relationships.
They create the starting point for growth.

Let’s Talk!  If you want to learn how to deliver tough messages that actually help people change.