The Baddest Word: Should

The other day, I heard Bethenny Frankel, an author, entrepreneur, and professional advice-giver, say, “You should always enjoy what you do.”

It was a research day — exploring the insights of popular influencers. I like to think I keep an open, non-judgmental mind. But when Bethenny uttered the word should, my mind slammed shut, and the judgment switch flipped on.

I’ve challenged the use of 'should' throughout most of my career. Nearly every client I’ve worked with has heard me say: “Never use the word should when talking about yourself or others.” To me, "should" may be the most harmful word in our language. It plants seeds of inadequacy and suggests that we aren’t quite good enough, undermining our confidence. 

Those annoying doubts swirling in our minds interfere with decision-making. They aren’t real; they’re false expectations lurking in our consciousness. We already have enough noise rattling around in our minds — we don’t need more.

• If you think I’m overstating the subtle negative impact of should, try this test: tomorrow, count how many times you use the word should in 12 hours. The next day, count how many times you hear others use it. You might be surprised to find out how often this sneaky little word is in control.

Let’s Talk! If you want to learn more about the powerful words and phrases that subtly influence our behavior.